car shopping

I've decided that my absolute least favorite thing in the whole wide world to shop for is a car! The old Taurus finally left me on the side of the road last week. I had been expecting it to happen at any point for about six months now. I think it just needs a new alternator, but I know that this is just the beginning of many repairs to come, so I've begun shopping Craigslist for a new vehicle. Now, if I had thousands of dollars to simply go out and pick the car of my dreams, this might be fun... but no, that is definitely not the case, so I get to play the fun game of shopping within a certain price range, for the perfect car that probably doesn't exist. Then, making phone calls and feeling like a complete idiot asking questions about something that I know absolutely nothing about! Sounds like fun, huh?

dog owner?

For many months now I've been contemplating the possibility of getting a dog. Last week I visited the Dumb Friends League in Castle Rock. I TRULY have "the bug" now! We'll see where it leads...

life keeps moving

So, here's just a little of what's been going on...

First of all, the biggest reason that I haven't blogged in so long is because I really don't know what to blog about. Not a whole lot going on in the life of Matthew Smith right now. Since volleyball season has ended I've had the challenge of not knowing how to fill my time...not a problem that I've ever really had. In the past I've always kept myself jumping from one thing to the next so quickly that I didn't know how to slow life down. Now I find myself with many nights to just sit at home and... just be home. Weird! Last night for example.. I found myself home by about 4:00 with nothing on the agenda. Thankfully, I had just recently bought a book to read, just for the fun of reading (something I haven't done since the summer! And for those of you that know me well...weird huh?). And so I spent hours sitting in my recliner and at my kitchen table reading and eventually finishing my book. A little over 300 pages I read last night..And a night that felt boring and lonely at first turned into a very relaxing and enjoyable night!

Other than sitting at home... I have been working a lot. I'm transferring to the new drive-through Starbucks in Castle Rock. I've been filling in there pretty often the last few weeks and was asked by their manager last week if I would consider coming over full-time. I agreed, and two days later it was done! I'll be starting there full-time the WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS! Oh, the things that I do to myself sometimes!! For those of you who don't understand, the word insane is the only word that comes to mind to describe that week at Starbucks. It's as if there is no possible way to make it through the "horrible" days of shopping and such in those last few days before Christmas without that "dose" of caffeine, sugar and fat! Over-all, I think it will be a good move for me though. I need something new and challenging to keep me from quitting that place..it is the only job that I have right now, and it does pay the bills. And yes, Johanna, it can be kind of fun watching what people do in their cars when they have no idea that you can see them!

The other challenges that I have been facing lately have been trying to decide what the new year is going to bring for me. Sometimes I get so restless that I just want to pick up and start completely over... anywhere! And then other times the thought of leaving here is the last option in my mind. There are so many things that hold me here.. things that I see God working in and using me for, but then there are those times that I feel like my life is one big waste that is going nowhere and doing nothing. How to truly know that I'm on the path that God has led me to feels so far beyond me... I've tried so many new things this past year, truly feeling like I was pursuing leads that God had put in my path only to have the door shut very firmly in my face. I just want to be content in knowing that I'm exactly where God wants me...

lifehouse - everything

an end

The end of a season is here. As of about 7:30 last night, volleyball officially ended for the Kiowa High School Lady Indians. What a fitting conclusion to our season to go out playing the number two ranked Simla Cubs for the FOURTH time this season! We were pretty tired of facing them, but to the team who has lost zero matches this season and only one game, it seemed a little bit of an honor to be put out by such a respectable team. The Indians came in with only eight girls suited out, two of them having only played at the varsity level for two weeks. Two of my varsity starters and team leaders watched from the bench due to unavoidable surgeries. All in all, I couldn't have been more proud of my girls! In the second game we scored more points than we have against them all season and I dare say, had them back on their heels for most of the game. Good luck to the Simla Cubs... Go win state!! And as far as next year... LOOK OUT BLACK FOREST LEAGUE. Kiowa doesn't graduate a single varsity player!

next...

Obviously God's not done stretching and preparing me... for ...something... hopefully. As of this afternoon, I no longer work for the counselor. The most productive thing that I learned in the three days that I spent with this counselor was that if someday I counsel people, a lot of the things that he does are some things that I won't do. Might sound a little harsh, but it was enough that I decided that it wasn't best for me to work for him, and that God has other plans for me. I do believe that I have a big heart for people that are hurting and/or struggling with issues in their lives and am very open to that road if that is where God leads, but this wasn't the right fit or path for me at this time.



Psalm 31:3 - Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

yeah, I know... almost two months

I think most of you who read this knew that I would be horrible at it. Well, I think the past almost two months have proved you right. I can't tell you how many times I've visited my blog, wanting to post something, and just didn't have the time, didn't feel like it or just didn't know what to say. And I probably shouldn't let you in on this little secret but now I have internet in my house and don't have the excuse of "it's hard to find the time and the place to get online".

Started a new job today. Shocked!? Don't get too excited... I'm still at Starbucks, just not full-time anymore. I'm going to be working from my home part-time as an assistant to a Christian men's counselor, who is based out of the Springs. I spent today shadowing him, getting the slightly overwhelming overview of the entire ministry. For the next few days I'll be in the Springs with him, and then starting next week I'll be mostly at home working about 20 hours a week for him and about 20 hours for the SBucks.

Volleyball is already winding down. We have our last regular season game this Friday night against ELBERT! If anyone wants to try and make it, it'll be one of the games of the season to watch! The JV game will start about 5 and the Varsity will follow that. We played them in a tournament at the beginning of the season... Let's just say it was REALLY close! :)

Well, that's the very abbreviated version of Matthew's life right now. I really hope to get better about posting more often so I can share some fun stories from the incredibly hectic life that I live.

Game #1 - Simla

Simla Cubs here we come! After a week and a half of some truly intense volleyball practices, we gave out evaluations and announced teams last night. I can't wait to jump into offenses and see how these girls can really begin to play together. Out first game is September 1, at Simla, of all places! That will definitely be a challenging start to our season, but also a great way to know right from the beginning where we are as a team and what we need to do to prepare for the rest of the season.

Please pray for me... that as I give my all for this team that I won't forget why I'm doing it and who I'm ultimately doing it for! Also, that I'll not neglect to feed myself spiritually (and physically, for that matter!)... to never be complacent in my walk with Christ.

records sealed

It's finally over... This morning, after waiting two and a half hours for them to get to us, the Elbert County Court officially sealed all records. As I walked out of there for the last time, my mom asked me... "are you finally excited?" (i had struggled to find excitement after the last court appearance where they dropped the charges) I think I made a comment about how glad I was to be out of that building because, truthfully, it was still hard for me to be excited. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely relieved that the whole thing is finally over, but as I walked out of there I think the hold up was just the complete injustice and unfairness of it all! When I think about how much time and money has gone to fight this accusation for the last SEVEN months, it's hard to be excited about it all because I keep asking... why? What was the purpose of this whole ordeal? Is that fair? Probably not. I should be praising the Lord, but here I am still complaining about having to go through it. I pray that God does use it, and that He'll let me see the fruit of these past few months, but right now that is so hard to see.

"God, change my heart. Open my eyes to your truths, to your paths. Please don't let me stray from your way. As I reflect back, I do see many lessons you have taught me. Thank you for that. Thank you for showing me just how faithful you really are. God, I do thank you that it is finally over. It could have been so much worse and gone on for so much longer. Thank you for the chance to coach again, and for a job that is paying the bills and giving me the time to coach the greatest game ever! I love you!"

three more days

ah, a week away! I just have to make it through three more days and then I'm out... for a WHOLE week! A whole week to hang out with four of the coolest guys on the planet and hopefully, not think about volleyball, Majestic View Worship or Starbucks! What a perfect time for a vacation. When this trip began to take shape I know that God knew what perfect timing this would be. Four days on the road, five in the great state of New Jersey, lots of hilarious stories and awesome time to build stonger friendships... I can't wait!!!!

consumed

volleyball, volleyball, volleyball. That is my life right now. If I'm not coaching or playing the game, I'm thinking about. I think it has become a curse. It has literally been hard to pray, hard to think and hard to live even a few moments without thinking about this game and my upcoming (already here, really) fall. We got back from the mission trip to Juarez a week and a half ago now, and it has been pedal to the medal ever since. I guess in the grand scheme of things, there are a lot worse things that I could be consumed with...

back to square one

Boy, I really don't know how much longer I can handle this... this waiting and trusting and wondering. Yesterday, I found out that the Kiowa band position was being offered to someone else. Last week I went in for an interview with Mr. Luitjens and Mr. Robinson. The interview went great, but at the end I knew the deciding factor was going to be whether they felt they could hire someone who wasn't "highly qualified", meaning someone who wasn't a certified Colorado teacher. Sure enough, that is exactly what Mr. Luitjens told me on the phone yesterday when he called to tell me that they were offering it to someone else. Last week I asked my prayer partner to pray that whatever they decided would be the right decision. I was still struggling to know that teaching at Kiowa was exactly right, but I had decided that if they offered me the position that I WAS going to take it. So, God answered that prayer, but now where am I? Should I reconsider teaching elementary at the charter school, or do I stay at Starbucks for another season and begin working towards my masters at Liberty? I guess I'm right back where I started...

kindergarten or lattes

So, I finally have the opportunity to begin a new job and leave the job that I've been trying to get out of for almost two years... and I'm not sure that I'm going to take it. Ironic, huh? Last week I went in for an interview at Legacy Charter School in Elizabeth for the K-8 music teacher position. Two days later, they had already talked with all three of my references and offered me the job. Sounds perfect, right? That's what I keep trying to tell myself, but something about the fact that I can't see myself teaching five year-old kids for the rest of my life keeps me wondering if this is where God is leading me. Anyway, I have till Wednesday to decide if this is God's plan for me... meanwhile, I'm trying to find out how long it might take to find out some information on the application I turned in to Kiowa High School last week for their High School Band position. I will be coaching volleyball in the fall! But I pray every day that I'm not still at Starbucks as well. Oh, to be finished with this waiting and wondering period in my life. To know what my hearts desires truly are. To have a good job that I can be proud of and know that I am in the center of God's will. Someday!

moving forward... ready or not

Well, everything is definitely not happening in the order that I planned, but I guess that is why I'm not the one in charge! As long as the school board approves at their upcoming board meeting next Wednesday night, I will officially be the head volleyball coach for Kiowa High School. I was so nervous I had to force my fingers to punch in the numbers to make the call to the school office last week to agree to their request that I consider this. I told them I was ready to go for it (when really I was freaking out inside!), and now the only other step is getting the official approval from the board, which according to Mr. Kolm there is no reason they wouldn't accept his recommendation.

I had really hoped to have the rest of my life figured out (yeah, i know... pretty impossible) before accepting such a big responsibility, but the time had come to make this decision, whether the other decisions had been made or not. Again, God is asking me to trust him. When I had considered moving to Virginia to go back to school, the hardest thing was the thought of leaving a group of friends, who are the closest that I've ever had. I guess God is going to let me stay (which was definitely a "desire of my heart"), so I'm going to trust that he has a plan for me here. (gulp!)

or how 'bout i run a coffee shop

I had to throw this in here before I go to bed. After all that has happened today, my dad decided to throw one more at me tonight. So, I went to hear my younger siblings play at a piano recital today... it was great by the way.. I have some really talented siblings! Afterwards my dad comes up to me and asks me why I want to leave Starbucks. I give him a look that says, "cut to the chase... why do you want to know?" So, then he tells me that he and Pastor Rick were interested in opening a coffee shop in Elbert, and wanted to know if I would be interested in runnning the place! As if I didn't already have enough on my plate right now...ahhh! Another opportunity that sounds really awesome to me... Doing something I love, the way I want to do it, with great hours! Holy cow! What next?

career...oh man

Career... what a dirty word for me! Now that I'm not being held back by legal matters, my future is so wide open that it terrifies me. Head volleyball coach, band teacher, online student or move to Virginia... those are the decisions that are staring me in the face right now. Just this morning I talked with the principal, Lance Luitjens, about the volleyball position and the band position. Then, I check my email to find out that I was accepted into the MA for Professional Counseling at Liberty University! All very exciting career opportunities that I am a little scared about, but would love to pursue. Guess I have a lot of praying to do... I just wish that God would slam one of these doors in my face! These opportunities are so exciting, yet so different!

I Can Leave The State Now!

I know hardly anyone reads this, but I still wanted to post something saying... THE CHARGES HAVE BEEN DROPPED!! Praise God! We are still working through a process to have all of my records sealed, which will keep any of this information from being on a background check...Hopefully that process won't take five months! God is faithful!

dealing with the law... definitely a lesson in patience

December 28th... the day my whole world seemed to stop. As I sat in a holding cell that day, so confused and pretty scared, never would I have thought that four months later there would still be no resolution, or even a change in my status with the law. Someone approached me Sunday and asked how they could pray for me. I didn't even really no what to tell them. It has almost become common to be in this state, to be out on bond, not able to leave the state without permission. Wow, I never thought I would hear myself say that. But as I thought about how people could pray for me, it really made me think about where I am and what God is doing. Lately, I have thought a lot about what God has taught and what He is trying to teach me. It brought me up short to think that I'm not totally sure what the lessons have been. It has definitely been a lesson in trust, in trusting the faithfulness of God. And then as I think about the importance of that, I know that that could be enough. But I still want to keep focused on what God is doing, to keep straining toward what He has for me to learn and where He wants me to go, to not be content in God's plan, but never complacent.

Change

Where is God leading? Throughout my short life, that has been by far the hardest question for me to answer. And now again, I feel a discontent, an unsettling, a sense that there is something looming ahead of me. I feel that He is bringing circumstances into my life to keep me "straining toward what is ahead". Job change, change of location, change of focus... all of these are ideas that have been careening around my heart and head for the last few weeks. I don't think that I have "missed the boat" or anything like that, but more that God is preparing me to make sure that I board when the time comes. Often times I feel fear or even dread.. others times, excitement. I don't want to leave Kiowa. I definitely want a new job, but that still holds some anxiety when I think about the change and the unknown of what that would be. And considering the change of focus, I have no idea what that looks like either. There are so many questions and unknowns. Will the trial that I am facing be over soon? Will I be able to coach volleyball next year? Can I even join my group on a mission trip this summer? Trust. Faith. Two words that hold a whole new meaning for me after the last few months. Two simple words that seem to stop me in my tracks, my rantings, and say, "take a deep breath, I am with you. I am the Lord your God; besides me, there is no other. Do you trust me, or not?"

"Lord, I do trust you. Wherever you lead, I'll follow"

Faithful

Sometimes it's so hard for me to think of things to write. So much goes on in my heart, but can be so hard to put into words. I love reading things that obviously come from someone's heart, but also is written so beautifully. This is a talent that I do not feel God gave me. I do promise that everything that I publish in this blog will be from my heart, but I do not promise that it will be written beautifully.

God has done so much in my life in the past few months. I wouldn't have any idea where to begin. Even through the aweful experiences of being falsely accused of a horrible crime, God has me in the best place of my life. Four months ago, even surrounded by friends and family, there were many days that I felt so alone. There were aspects of my life that I felt no one understood or cared to hear. There were times that I felt like I was living a lie, and that "if only they knew"... Satan had me down with, what felt like, no where to go. God had other plans! Through many series of events, God has given exactly what He knew that I needed. He has given me a friend to confide in, to pray with, to laugh with and to confess to. He has shown me just how much His people can love, no matter the circumstances. He has shown me His faithfulness over and over again. Yes, I still doubt. Yes, there are times when I feel the discouragement trying to suck me down. But I know that in the end, God has the final say. He will be faithful. He always is!

first post

Well, never really thought I would actually make one of these. Who knows, I probably won't even tell anyone that it's here. Could be a fun way to put some thoughts down, even if it is just an outlet for me. If you are here, that means I finally got brave enough to share it. Hope you enjoy it. Don't count on it changing very much or very often!

"... forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead..."