Change

Where is God leading? Throughout my short life, that has been by far the hardest question for me to answer. And now again, I feel a discontent, an unsettling, a sense that there is something looming ahead of me. I feel that He is bringing circumstances into my life to keep me "straining toward what is ahead". Job change, change of location, change of focus... all of these are ideas that have been careening around my heart and head for the last few weeks. I don't think that I have "missed the boat" or anything like that, but more that God is preparing me to make sure that I board when the time comes. Often times I feel fear or even dread.. others times, excitement. I don't want to leave Kiowa. I definitely want a new job, but that still holds some anxiety when I think about the change and the unknown of what that would be. And considering the change of focus, I have no idea what that looks like either. There are so many questions and unknowns. Will the trial that I am facing be over soon? Will I be able to coach volleyball next year? Can I even join my group on a mission trip this summer? Trust. Faith. Two words that hold a whole new meaning for me after the last few months. Two simple words that seem to stop me in my tracks, my rantings, and say, "take a deep breath, I am with you. I am the Lord your God; besides me, there is no other. Do you trust me, or not?"

"Lord, I do trust you. Wherever you lead, I'll follow"

Faithful

Sometimes it's so hard for me to think of things to write. So much goes on in my heart, but can be so hard to put into words. I love reading things that obviously come from someone's heart, but also is written so beautifully. This is a talent that I do not feel God gave me. I do promise that everything that I publish in this blog will be from my heart, but I do not promise that it will be written beautifully.

God has done so much in my life in the past few months. I wouldn't have any idea where to begin. Even through the aweful experiences of being falsely accused of a horrible crime, God has me in the best place of my life. Four months ago, even surrounded by friends and family, there were many days that I felt so alone. There were aspects of my life that I felt no one understood or cared to hear. There were times that I felt like I was living a lie, and that "if only they knew"... Satan had me down with, what felt like, no where to go. God had other plans! Through many series of events, God has given exactly what He knew that I needed. He has given me a friend to confide in, to pray with, to laugh with and to confess to. He has shown me just how much His people can love, no matter the circumstances. He has shown me His faithfulness over and over again. Yes, I still doubt. Yes, there are times when I feel the discouragement trying to suck me down. But I know that in the end, God has the final say. He will be faithful. He always is!

first post

Well, never really thought I would actually make one of these. Who knows, I probably won't even tell anyone that it's here. Could be a fun way to put some thoughts down, even if it is just an outlet for me. If you are here, that means I finally got brave enough to share it. Hope you enjoy it. Don't count on it changing very much or very often!

"... forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead..."